While observing competition at the recent ASEAN Para Games, I was struck by how often a familiar coaching cue surfaced: ‘Don’t be scared.’ It was well-intentioned, of course, but I saw the athletes tense up almost immediately.
Approach vs Avoidance Language
The above is an example of why it is important to distinguish between approach and avoidance language (Elliot,1999). Our brains are wired differently towards goals we move toward (approach) and threats we move away from (avoid). “Don’t be scared” is an avoidance frame—it highlights the threat (fear, failure). An approach frame directs attention toward the outcome that you want.
Think about the legendary basketball coach Phil Jackson. He didn’t focus on “not choking” in the final seconds. He famously used mindfulness and frameworks like “surrendering the outcome” to direct his players’ focus toward presence, the next pass, and the flow of the triangle offense. He built a bridge toward a state of performance, rather than a wall against anxiety. The pressure wasn’t gone, but their attention was channelled more effectively.
From Insight to Action…
As a coach or sports parent, our default is often to identify what’s wrong and name it. “Stop double-faulting.” “Don’t allow them pass your line!” The problem is, you have now painted a vivid picture of the very mistake you want to avoid.
Rather than focusing on what not to do, we can guide athletes by highlighting the actions we want them to take. For example,
Instead of “Don’t be scared,” try “Control the pace.”
Swap “Stop rushing your serve” for “Feel your rhythm from the toss up.”
Replace “Don’t quit” with “Focus on the next point.”
To put what you’ve read into practice, think of a piece of “avoidance” language you use that you can reframe into an “approach” directive this week?
Coach Hansen
References:
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). “The ‘What’ and ‘Why’ of Goal Pursuits.” Psychological Inquiry.
Elliot, A. J. (1999). “Approach and avoidance motivation and achievement goals.” Educational Psychologist.
Coach Hansen 