My definition of Est Quod Est…
To view the person and/or circumstance as it is.
There is no such thing as a bad person or bad circumstance, everything’s perfect and advancing to becoming complete.
We can’t directly change someone or something (and we shouldn’t). Ultimately, we can only change our own perspective and approach, and through that process, MAYBE the person or circumstance might change…
How many curve balls can life throw at once?
It’s been a rough last couple of weeks and while curveballs are inevitable in life, I’m not certain if we can really get used to it.
What I’m certain though, is that the better we are at seeing the world as it is, the better we will be able to recognise what’s within our control and what’s not, and the better we will feel about ourselves and the world around us…
It is as it is…
I’ve recently started coaching a new group of athletes who are prepping for the Manila SEA Games, and one of the more “contentious” discussions we had relates to the Fear of Failure associated with Social Approval.
What’s the Fear of Failure associated with Social Approval?
Simply put, many athletes simply worry too much about what others think about them. I often refer to this as ‘Mind-Reading’.
Although they may not admit it readily, most athletes are driven by the respect and recognition associated with their sporting prowess, and their identity as an athlete. They might believe that they don’t care what others think about themselves or their performance but that’s seldom true.
Social Approval is part of human nature (The world works only when we care how people think! We are all social animals and a communal species that is interdependent) and all athletes are driven by it to a certain extent.
However, when taken to an extreme, it often turns into a source of fear. For example, athletes may be afraid of letting their teammates down or to disappoint their coaches and parents. They often feel tensed and anxious or are afraid to take risks when others are watching.
Does that sound familiar to some of you already?
Continue reading “The Fear of Disappointing Others”
Much has been preached about the attitude of gratitude. Almost every religion or philosopher (even Bayfucius) advocates it, but what’s the science behind it? How does it make us better, happier and even more resilient?
When we express gratitude, we are Focused On What We Have instead of what we don’t.
Gratitude is somewhat counter-intuitive in a country where we “Everything also complain.” Furthermore, Singaporeans are an ambitious lot, always focusing on achieving what we do not have yet. This may develop to become a sort of blindness that limits our worldview, i.e., we are less likely to notice the good in our lives and even the opportunities that come our way.
Continue reading “Why be Grateful?”
Thanks for the many responses to the previous post.
Today’s post focuses on the HOWs to help young athletes do their best without being overwhelmed by the pressures to win and to look good. Specifically, the focus is on how we can help young athletes build resilience in sport and life through a constructive Parent – Athlete relationship.
Continue reading “Sport Parenting Tips from a Non-Parent (2 of 3)”
Has anyone heard of Stoicism?
Two of the biggest influence on my approach to coaching – Process Focused Coaching, are Albert Ellis and Ken Ravizza. Both have passed on, and both were heavily influenced by the Stoic philosophy.
Ellis was described as a ‘Stoic Philosopher with a Sailor’s Mouth’. He was inspired by the writings of Stoic Philosophers to devise Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). REBT was the first form of Cognitive Behavior Therapy and is still my preferred technique for athlete counseling.
According to Ellis, “people are not disturbed by things but rather by their view of things.” This is a dead ringer to the quote below by Epictetus (one of the three most important Stoic philosophers along with Marcus Aurelius and Seneca).
“It isn’t the events themselves that disturb people, but only their judgments about them.” – Epictetus
Continue reading “How to Coach like a Greek Philosopher”
“When One teaches, Two learn.” This statement aptly sums up my experience conducting the ‘Coaching and The Growth Mindset’ workshop last week for Singapore Gymnastics. The coaches present were from culturally diverse backgrounds. There were coaches from Japan, China, Russia, Ukraine, Bulgaria and Singapore.
This group of coaches were particularly generous with their sharing (without going off tangent), and I learnt so much from them, especially when they related their experiences to the Talent-Effort Fallacy.
What is The Talent-Effort Fallacy?
Continue reading “So You Think You’re Special?”
In the previous post, we discussed why praising athletes “shamelessly” might foster the Fixed Mindset. That does not mean we should hold back praises. Instead, we may want to be more deliberate in reinforcing the actual effort that leads to learning (rather than ability), and to mix up external praises with process based feedback.
The objective for this post is similar to the last one – to provide anyone in a coaching role (you could be a teacher or parent) with strategies that will help their athletes foster a mindset that pushes one to train consistently, cope with inevitable failures and to bounce back even stronger and better.
Continue reading “Effort, Support & Learning”