The Fear of Disappointing Others

I’ve recently started coaching a new group of athletes who are prepping for the Manila SEA Games, and one of the more “contentious” discussions we had relates to the Fear of Failure associated with Social Approval.

What’s the Fear of Failure associated with Social Approval?

Simply put, many athletes simply worry too much about what others think about them. I often refer to this as ‘Mind-Reading’.

Although they may not admit it readily, most athletes are driven by the respect and recognition associated with their sporting prowess, and their identity as an athlete. They might believe that they don’t care what others think about themselves or their performance but that’s seldom true.

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Social Approval is part of human nature (The world works only when we care how people think! We are all social animals and a communal species that is interdependent) and all athletes are driven by it to a certain extent.

However, when taken to an extreme, it often turns into a source of fear. For example, athletes may be afraid of letting their teammates down or to disappoint their coaches and parents. They often feel tensed and anxious or are afraid to take risks when others are watching.

Does that sound familiar to some of you already?

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How to Coach like a Greek Philosopher

Has anyone heard of Stoicism?

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Two of the biggest influence on my approach to coaching – Process Focused Coaching, are Albert Ellis and Ken Ravizza. Both have passed on, and both were heavily influenced by the Stoic philosophy.

Ellis was described as a ‘Stoic Philosopher with a Sailor’s Mouth’. He was inspired by the writings of Stoic Philosophers to devise Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). REBT was the first form of Cognitive Behavior Therapy and is still my preferred technique for athlete counseling.

According to Ellis, “people are not disturbed by things but rather by their view of things.” This is a dead ringer to the quote below by Epictetus (one of the three most important Stoic philosophers along with Marcus Aurelius and Seneca).

“It isn’t the events themselves that disturb people, but only their judgments about them.” – Epictetus

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“Just take the shot!” Sounds simple, except when it isn’t.

Decided to write this post to share how I would help a player develop a pre-shot routine, as I was reflecting on the time spent over the past couple of weeks reviewing the pre-throw routines of my Goalball players, and helping the boys at Raffles Rugby with their pre-kick and throw routines.

“A pre-routine should be customized to suit the athlete’s sport, personal preference and dominant learning style.”

Most coaches recognize the importance of pre-shot routines (especially for self-paced sports), but not many know how best to help their athletes develop one, especially one that integrates mental strategies. Before we go into the step-by steps, do follow this link to learn about what pre-shot routines are, and why they are important…

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I make use of a somewhat contrived sounding acronym – PRE-FA (Prepare -> Rehearse -> Focus -> Allow) to facilitate the teaching of pre-shot routine.

Continue reading ““Just take the shot!” Sounds simple, except when it isn’t.”