Why Language Matters in Effective Coaching

While observing competition at the recent ASEAN Para Games, I was struck by how often a familiar coaching cue surfaced: ‘Don’t be scared.’ It was well-intentioned, of course, but I saw the athletes tense up almost immediately.

Approach vs Avoidance Language

The above is an example of why it is important to distinguish between approach and avoidance language (Elliot,1999). Our brains are wired differently towards goals we move toward (approach) and threats we move away from (avoid). “Don’t be scared” is an avoidance frame—it highlights the threat (fear, failure). An approach frame directs attention toward the outcome that you want.

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Just Do It…for You!

Doing it ‘for others’ is overrated!

Athletes often talk about ‘sacrificing’ for their team, supporters, coach, or even their country. There’s nothing wrong with that so long as it comes from authentic respect or gratitude. But here’s the catch: if that becomes your main motivation, it won’t lift you. More often than not, it will hold you back and here’s why…

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Confidence follows Competence

Confidence isn’t a pep talk—it’s a byproduct. It shows up as you progress through consistent practice, skill refinement, and learning from wins and setbacks. Build your competence, and confidence will follow.

But what exactly is confidence? It is often defined as “the belief or perception that one can perform a task successfully” (Weinberg & Gould, 2019). It’s not about arrogance or blind optimism—it’s a grounded belief in your ability, built over time through consistent effort, feedback, and achievement. This belief enables you to remain assertive and adaptable under competitive pressure because you’ve earned the right to trust yourself.

Why Even Well-Prepared Athletes Struggle Under Pressure?

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